To Have Your Cake
by Tilena
Summary: Ryoko's thoughts on Tenchi's lack of a decision... short angsty fic that came to me at about 3a.m. R&R appreciated!


A year. One year was all the time it had been, and yet in that one year more had been built and shattered than I had thought possible.  
  
See, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. I always thought that expression was stupid, meaningless. What the hell is the point of cake if you can't eat it? Then, I understood what it meant.  
  
First you mix the batter... he opened the cave. He allowed me to escape -- and subsequently to stay with him. I couldn't believe my luck; this was the boy that I had watched over since he was but a few feet tall! I had always loved him, though not in the way that I felt in later years. Unfortunately, my release was the beginning of the end. But, well, that part of the process comes later.  
  
For upon my release, an alarm was triggered. Ayeka, Princess of Jurai, first princess, no less, was dethawed, as the case was. Her seven- hundred year sleep was disturbed by my very energy, and her royal logs informed her of the situation. Of course, Miss Princess Prissy Pants couldn't wait to come find me. Yeah, sure, maybe it was because she hoped to find her lost brother, Yosho, but couldn't she have waited? After all, she was the one in stasis for so many years, not her brother. A few more years to her shouldn't have mattered. But they did. And so the mix was poured into the pan.  
  
Ayeka and Sasami did make things interesting, that was for sure. And it was nice to know that my reflexes hadn't completely faded in those years of my imprisonment. Still, there were times when that royal pain in my arse almost had the best of me... almost. And then there was the whole Kagato incident. Okay, okay, where Tenchi almost died. But I don't like to think about that part. You know, I could've had him, once I was freed. But no, the princess was in the way. She always is, always was, always will be. If not for her, I could have let loose... Instead, I myself was again caught, and in return, Tenchi's life was almost threatened again. However, that boy, in his mysterious way, managed to pull through and save all of us.  
  
And, of course, free my "mother." Washu is like throwing a dash of cinnamon into the batter just before you put it into the oven... just enough spice to make it unique. I would never let her know that, though. Better for her to think that I barely tolerate her, or else who knows how big her head would get. Being the daughter, so to speak, of the world's greatest scientific genius gets wearing after a while. Who likes to be constantly reminded of the fact that they were manufactured? That, like some sort of experiment, they were made in a lab, watched, monitored, controlled. Unloved. That's me, yup. Always unloved.  
  
And then, to up the stakes like the cake rises in the oven... oh dear, my little comparison is getting corny... Dr. Clay comes along with his bloody creation. Zero, after the good doctor was defeated, assimilated with me to make a softer, gentler Ryoko. Mental sneer. All it seemed to make me do was blush at inoppertune times. The feelings I had never changed... they were only more noticable. Imagine that! Space Pirate Ryoko having feelings! Ayeka laughs every time she sees me blush. Or at least, she would if she was still around. But, hey, that comes a little later, mmkay?  
  
After that, things got settled in a nice little wait. Of course, it was nice whenever we were sleeping. When we weren't -- hoo, boy. Watch out. Yeah, Ayeka and I learned how to take our fights outside, and eventually, they died down, just a bit. We still fought, but I think it was out of boredom. And then... then the trouble started.  
  
See, what I learned about having cake and eating it, too, was simple yet profound. In the end, we had our lovely cake built. The icing was put upon as delicately as if Sasami had placed it with her small hands. The pastry was a beautiful thing to look upon. But in the end, it can either remain beautiful and pure, or it can be eaten. Unfortunately, cake doesn't keep well.  
  
Tenchi thought that he had forever to choose. That's not to say that he wanted to hurt us by making us wait. I understand that now. How do you explain something so complicated as this? Ah, well, I suppose I can try...  
  
On the one hand, he had me. All right, I know that's not too thrilling. I'm loud, obnoxious, I like to blow holes in the wall, and I certainly am not one to jump up and help with chores. But I loved Tenchi. I loved him with all my heart, and I would have done anything for him. I never had a weakness like that before, and yet, I would have done that whole "how high" bit if he had asked me to jump. Yes, I know that expression is overused, but it's perfect in this situation.  
  
And then there was Ayeka. As much as I taunted her and belittled her, I can now say that I envied her. She was beautiful - not in a feline, huntress sort of way, but in a gentle, delicate way. She had grace, and poise, though I always managed to shatter that facade. Even so, there's always something about her that is ladylike... well, mostly. I must admit, when that vein pops out in her forehead, she doesn't look very much like a princess.  
  
Tenchi, ah, Tenchi. I don't know if I should almost hate him or feel sorry for him. Even now, my heart constricts painfully when I think of him. He was thrown into a situation that every guy dreams of, but few want if they get it. He had the love of not one, but two beautiful, exotic females. Ayeka and I were almost as different as night and day, and sometimes so stunningly alike that I think it almost made us dislike each other more. Ironic, no?  
  
So what's wrong with having the love of two females who were lovely, intelligent, and very unique? I didn't understand this until afterwards -- it was nearly impossible not to love them both. Especially since sometimes it seemed that Ayeka and I together would make the perfect person -- neither too wild nor too prim, and all together beautiful. And so the cake crumbles.  
  
My love, my dearest Tenchi, never wanted to hurt anyone. And so, in the end, he hurt us both. Instead of choosing, or making his double love known, he wavered. If ever he showed interest in me, Ayeka would flare up. If he showed interest in her, there would be another hole in the wall. Simple cause-and-effect. Simply hurting all three of us.  
  
Tenchi, dear, why couldn't you just choose? Why couldn't you say that you loved us both? Or why couldn't you let both of us go? You had the cake, and you didn't partake of it in the manner that it deserved. So it was an effort wasted...  
  
I wonder now, Tenchi, what you're thinking when you're alone. Ayeka and I have become good friends. Neither of us mentions the time we spent on Earth. Ayeka is, as always, prim and proper, and somehow she's managed to loosen up. I am, well, I am what I am. I have fun here and there, and though I haven't settled with anyone, I definitely am not lacking for male companions. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had you hinted at the fact that you wanted to taste the sweetness that was built over time. And sometimes, sometimes I just wonder how you feel when you're staring at what's left of something that was once beautiful. 


End file.
